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Inter Caste Marriage Query

Dear Friends, I am a guy belonging to the Kurmi caste who is in love with a girl belonging to Bhumihar caste. We have been in this relationship for a long time and recently decided to get married and expressed this desire to both our parents. While after a little hesitation my parents agreed but her parents and family are not agreeing at all. While I tried to be reasonable with them and tried to talk with them to come to favorable result, her brother is now threatening to kill us both if we get married. Moreover, her father is threatening to commit suicide if we marry.

My upbringing has been such that I have been never been aware of the caste friction between these two communities. Its only recently that I have started reading up on it and discovering how bad the scenario had been between these two castes. I don't want either of the families to get hurt due to our love but I also want to marry her as I don't envision a life without her.

I would be grateful if members can give me some suggestions on how to handle this situation.

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Permalink Reply by Ragini Bhatiya on March 25, 2012 at 12:30am

Ravi ji. I suggest you do not take a decision in haste. This can get out of hand so fast that you will not even have time to think and act.Think before you do anything. But in most of love cases in Bihar and India, most of them are squashed by the parents.

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Permalink Reply by Rachna Gupta on March 25, 2012 at 3:43am

We girls are humiliated so much in Bihar that I feel fortunate to have broad minded parent and I am out of Bihar- India. With dowry, demands, humiliation of girl,her father all takes palce . I always wonder what bridegrooms think about all these. How do they expect to have a loving, devoted wife who has been humiliated, her parents have beenhumiliated and they have been sucked dry of money. And still they are unhappy with what these grooms get. Insatiable desire of dahej. Both boys and girls in India / Biahr should show some courage, dignity and decency to put their greedy parents in their place. Someone has to bell the cat. If I were such a humiliatd girl, I would never love my greedy husband nor respect my new in laws.

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Permalink Reply by Munna Lal on March 25, 2012 at 6:02pm

Ravi ji, you can watch thishttp://youtu.be/xCAaEbCDovQ movie free on www.youtube.co.

Ravi Prakash said:

I will make sure I see that movie and no, I don't mind at all!

Rachna Gupta said:

Ravi sir ji, I am a movie fan, both Bollywood and Hollywood. So is my boyfriend. Recently we watched a Hollywood movie which has touched this hot topic. It is "Guess Who Is Coming To Dinner". An African American (Sidney poitier) falls in love with a white girl (Sandra Dee) She invite him to meet her parent. That is when really the film starts. The girl's father is in revolt and so is boy's father. There are arguments and counterarguments. It sensitively touch all aspect of such marriages. If you can, please watch this movie for moral support.

Things like intercaste, interreligion and inter-racial marriage need addressing. Someone has to stand up and start the change. What is needed is courage of conviction. Hope you don't mind me saying all this.

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Permalink Reply by Munna Lal on March 25, 2012 at 6:11pm

http://youtu.be/xCAaEbCDovQ

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner.

Ravi ji and Rachna ji, I found this movie on youtube. Nice movie,

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Permalink Reply by Ravi Prakash on March 26, 2012 at 4:03am

Thank you for the link Munna Ji!

Munna Lal said:

http://youtu.be/xCAaEbCDovQ

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner.

Ravi ji and Rachna ji, I found this movie on youtube. Nice movie,

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Permalink Reply by Ragini Bhatiya on March 27, 2012 at 2:12pm

Intercaste marriages are no go areas. Bihar is not ready for outside caste marriages yet. It will take another 100 years. You have to forget your plans and swallow your pride and move on.

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Permalink Reply by Randhir Mishra on March 27, 2012 at 8:28pm

You should be man enough to take decisions on your own. It seems you have been a mama's boy all your life, hence not able to take decisions on crucial issues....And what to say about the father who blackmails his own kid!!! Pathetic. Very sad.

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Permalink Reply by Ram Prakash on March 27, 2012 at 8:38pm

very good advice. what advice would you give if someones sister runs away with someone else...giving advice is easy but implementing is harder....

Randhir Mishra said:

You should be man enough to take decisions on your own. It seems you have been a mama's boy all your life, hence not able to take decisions on crucial issues....And what to say about the father who blackmails his own kid!!! Pathetic. Very sad.

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Permalink Reply by Rachna Gupta on March 27, 2012 at 9:16pm

Ragini ji, do you mean to say that Bihari boys and girls romance each other forst. Then when time come to marry, then dump each other and take "Saat Pheraa" around fire with someone else ? Is love something like a passenger train, you get on and get off as and when you like ? Is it some kind of entertainment ? Is there no seriousness in it ?

Ragini Bhatiya said:

Intercaste marriages are no go areas. Bihar is not ready for outside caste marriages yet. It will take another 100 years. You have to forget your plans and swallow your pride and move on.

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Permalink Reply by Rachna Gupta on March 27, 2012 at 9:23pm

जब मिया - बीबी राजी तो क्या करेगा क़ाज़ी ?

और इस तरह भाग जाना बहुत ही रोमांटिक चीज़ है । बॉलीवुड फिल्मो में ऐसा ही तो होता है । जब वी मेट में करीना कपूर और शाहिद भी तो भाग गए थे । क्या रोमांटिक फिल्म था ।

Neeraj Singh said:

very good advice. what advice would you give if someones sister runs away with someone else...giving advice is easy but implementing is harder....

Randhir Mishra said:

You should be man enough to take decisions on your own. It seems you have been a mama's boy all your life, hence not able to take decisions on crucial issues....And what to say about the father who blackmails his own kid!!! Pathetic. Very sad.