The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry ?

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

Days of the week are : Sadday, Moanday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday, and Shatterday.